Haven’t we all once in our lifetime regretted making a decision? Aren’t we all guilty of wanting to go back in the past and change a choice we made or alter our reaction to a particular incident?
I know I have consistently wished to be changed.
But then a part of me also wonders, is all of this meant to happen? Do I really have regrets? Yes, I do have regrets. Regrets about a lot of things. Every time I would close my eyes the flashes of the past would force me to feel stuck in the present. But, I have overcome this. Maybe, those regrets have become experiences. Maybe it was fate doing its part. All the decisions or choices I made were here to teach me something or else I would have been living in the past, even in the present.
I know clearly what it is that I would like to tell my younger self.
I don’t think I’ll ask her to act differently. Instead, I will stand by myself during times when I was breaking down. For all the times, I would have found myself feeling trapped and tormented, I would have just kept a hand on my back and said, “Yes, you can do this. You are doing good. Trust me, you will be out of here soon.” And for all the times I stumbled, I would have just let myself feel caught in the moment because this is what one needs at some point in time, to become a better version of themselves.
I know at times, I couldn’t love myself enough. I was never my first priority. I kept others above myself. But if it wasn’t for this, I would have never been able to love myself the way I do today that I feel happy and secured in my present. And even if it seems modest, half of the credit goes to my past.
Yes, I am grateful to all that has happened to me. It is because of that, I have become a better version of myself. I am who I am because of the lessons I learnt from my past.
Now, I have the ability to conquer the biggest fears of my life. I choose to go easy on the younger me.
So if I have to say something to the younger me, it will be, “There is so much that you have been through. I can’t thank you enough for staying positive even at the worst of times. You have come a long way and you still have a long way to go, just be who you are and keep believing in yourself” and I stand here, today and tomorrow to be nothing less than who I am and what I choose to be.